


A Very Sunshine-y Christmas

by anotherfngrl



Series: Sunshine Universe [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aaron Burr is So Done, Alexander Hamilton Being Alexander Hamilton, Alexander Hamilton Being an Asshole, Alexander Hamilton Being an Idiot, Christmas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Bonding, Family Drama, Family Feels, Family Issues, Gay John Laurens, Human Disaster Alexander Hamilton, Hurt John Laurens, John Is So Done, John is a Saint, M/M, Marquis de Lafayette is a Good Friend, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Marquis de Lafayette, Protect Maria Reynolds, Visiting Santa Claus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 20,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28232478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherfngrl/pseuds/anotherfngrl
Summary: Christmas fic in the Sunshine!verse- a modern AU where Eliza and Aaron own a dance shop where Pip takes classes, and John Laurens is the new college student receptionist who is Very Annoyed and Very Intrigued by Alexander Hamilton.This jumps forward in the verse- John and Alex are together, and celebrating their first Christmas, along with Pip. This is a story about two men who love each other very much learning to communicate.
Relationships: Aaron Burr & Alexander Hamilton, Alexander Hamilton & Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton & John Laurens & Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette & Hercules Mulligan, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Philip Hamilton & John Laurens
Series: Sunshine Universe [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002852
Comments: 17
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, I was gonna write fluff. I was gonna write like 1,000 words of fluff about John and Alex taking Pip for Santa pictures. Instead, this happened.

“When are we doing pictures?” John asks as they all eat cereal one morning.

“Pictures?” Alex asks, distracted, as his phone chimes.

John plucks it out of his hand. “No phones at the table. Yes, pictures. Christmas is in two weeks, the lines are already going to be getting bad.”

“Pictures of what, Mommy?” Pip asks, slurping his leftover milk up.

“Of you and Santa, jellybean,” John tells him, handing him a napkin. Pip’s eyes go wide with excitement at the mention of Santa. “I see you’re getting ready, with your milk moustache. But let’s leave the beard to Santa, okay kiddo?”

Pip wipes his face. “Daddy says Santa pictures are a debasing ritual of consumer-in-ism,” Pip informs him seriously.

“He… he what?” John asks. “Alex, seriously?”

“Yes. And you have no right to try to plan something like that without my permission,” Alex says hotly, grabbing his phone from where John sat it down on the able. “Pip is  _ my _ son. I’m his father. How we celebrate Christmas is my choice, not yours.”

With that, Alex gets up, leaving the kitchen without stopping to say another word to either of them. John assumes he’s just going to answer whatever message he got, until he hears the front door slam.

“I think he’s mad,” Pip observes quietly.

“I think you’re right,” John says, bewildered and upset and not sure where he went wrong. “I guess I’m getting you to school today, jellybean!” he says, trying to keep his voice chipper. He doesn’t want Pip to worry.

“Daddy’ll forgive you, don’t worry,” Pip says, patting his hand comfortingly as he stands to put his bowl in the sink. “I thought it sounded nice.” He sounds wistful.

That _ really _ makes John feel like dirt. Not only did he upset Alex, somehow overstep (it’s fine to leave him with Pip with no warning, but not to let him suggest Christmas activities?)  _ and _ cause a fight with his boyfriend, but he got Pip’s hopes up for something Alex absolutely isn’t going to allow, which both disappoints the little boy and backs Alex into a corner of being the ‘bad guy’. All because it never occurred to John that they  _ wouldn’t _ do Santa pictures.

“Everybody does different things for Christmas, jellybean. I bet you and your Daddy have some nice traditions, yourselves,” he says, taking his own and Alex’s bowls to the sink. He tries not to sound morose as he says it- he’d assumed, given that he’s  _ living with them _ now, that he’d be part of Alex and Pip’s Christmas. But if Alex isn’t even willing to discuss things John thinks of as Christmas traditions, maybe he’s assumed too much.

Pip tilts his head. “I’m little. I’m not sure what’s a tradition and what’s just fun,” he explains patiently to John.

“Well, traditions are things you do every year,” John begins, as he gets Philip zipped up into his coat. He stops himself and laughs. “But I guess you don’t really remember what you guys do  _ every _ year, do you? You don’t have very many years of memories!” he tells the little boy.

Pip considers this. “Maybe, we can  _ make _ the things I ‘member traditions! I liked ice skating,” he says. “And we tried to make cookies last year. Auntie Liza helped!”

“That sounds nice, jellybean,” John agrees. The little boy spends the trip to school telling him all about his favorite things he remembers from Christmas, and John makes a mental list, wanting to be sure he’s ready, if he’s invited.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex calls Aaron, once he's gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't that long, but it is LOTS of short chapters. So I'll be updating throughout the day trying to get them all posted before Christmas is over!

Alex considers calling John once he gets to work, but he doesn’t know what to say. “Sorry, I have elf costume related trauma I can’t get into?” or “Hey, I know I overreacted, I’m just actually the child of Scrooge and the Grinch, and I hate all things mall Santa related?”

He feels guilty as soon as he realizes he stormed out without saying goodbye to his boyfriend or his son, but he doesn’t turn around. If he goes back in, he’s going to have a fight with John. And one of the few things he remembers from Christmas back when he had both of his parents is the yelling, and that’s one tradition he doesn’t want to continue into Pip’s childhood.

Instead, he calls Aaron to vent.

“Hey,” the choreographer says when he picks up. “What’s up?”

“I’m going to have a fight with John tonight,” Alex announces.

Aaron makes a surprised noise. “What, like you scheduled it?”

“No. He said something this morning that wasn’t any of his business- I’m Pip’s father, damn it, I have final say in his life- and I didn’t want to fight in front of Pip so I left. Except that means that tonight we’re going to have the fight I was avoiding, and also probably a fight about me storming out of breakfast without saying goodbye,” Alex explains. “I didn’t want to fight in front of Pip! All I remember from Christmas when my dad was still around was them fighting- about money, about activities, about everything. It overshadowed every other part of Christmas. I don’t want that for Pip.”

“Do you want me to pick Pip up from school when I get Theo? He’s got enough things here for a sleepover, if it comes to that, and that way you and John can talk without worrying about little ears,” Aaron offers.

Alex breathes a sigh of relief. It’s bad enough, fighting with John. He doesn’t want to add in Pip being mad at him for being mean to his beloved Mommy. “That would be great, Aaron, thanks. He usually stays for after-school on Thursdays, but it should be fine if you get him when you get Theo, you’re on the pick up list,” he says.

“Do you want to talk about you and John’s disagreement?” Aaron asks next.

He does, but before he can say so his phone trills to remind him he’s got a meeting in five minutes. “I’ve got to get back to work. But thank you, Aaron. You’re the best.”

“Love you, bro. Just talk to him. You two can sort this out,” Aaron assures him, hanging up the call.

Alex puts his phone back in his pocket and takes a deep breath. He can do this. He’ll get through the work day, go home, explain to John that certain things are just off limits, and make sure the younger man knows not to make any Christmas plans without consulting him first. Hopefully, John will listen and not yell at him too much. Then maybe they can plan something else, that will actually be fun, to do with Pip as a family.

He ignores the part of him that says he’s maybe being irrational, that John didn’t suggest anything crazy and that it’s unfair to act like John isn’t the other parent in their little family, who absolutely has the right to plan and suggest things. Right now, he’s not feeling particularly rational or reasonable, and he’s going to pull the ‘Pip’s actual father’ card if he has to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John's day is long and not great. He hopes picking Pip up will turn it around.

John’s day is boring, slow, and stressful. His exams and papers are all this week, so today’s classes were ‘one last reminder/review about your essay’ and a study session, respectively. He’s already studied, his project for his art class is done, and he’s almost finished with his final paper for his government class- he’s just planning on asking Alex to look over it before he turns it in.

Although, given how today went, maybe he shouldn’t. John shakes off the thought as he heads to Ballet of Sunshine after class. He and Alex will work this out. They have to. Everything’s going to be fine. John always feels a little down around the holidays, since his Mom died. That’s all this is, he tells himself, just holiday melancholy he hadn’t expected to feel. This is, after all, the first year he isn’t going home, and he’s missing his younger siblings, though he gets to video chat them frequently.

Eliza smiles at him when he walks into the studio, so at least Alex isn’t calling their friends to complain about him, hopefully. “Long day?” she asks.

“Finals,” he says, shrugging. “But they’ll be over soon.”

“And then you and Pip will have all day to play, while poor Alex goes to work,” Eliza teases him.

John frowns. Will Alex be okay with him just doing whatever with Pip, those days? Or will he need to get permission and run all of his ideas by Alex? He’d thought they’d just have fun at home, mostly. Maybe go skating, get things for gingerbread houses, watch too many movies… but he doesn’t want to overstep.

“What’s wrong?” Eliza asks.

John shakes his head. “Nothing. I, um, put my foot in it this morning. Alex isn’t very happy with me right now. But it’ll be fine.” He smiles brightly, hoping he’s being convincing.

Eliza tilts her head, patting his arm. “Don’t worry. You two will work it out,” she assures him.

The first student for their next class walks in then, and Eliza steps away to go get ready as John begins check in. The first class is underway when it’s time to go get Pip from school, and he puts the “Back in a few!” sign up on the desk and throws on his coat.

He thinks about what he’s going to say to Alex on the short walk to Morningstar Academy. He would never have intentionally brought something Alex might not be okay with up in front of Pip, he just hadn’t expected Santa pictures to be a problem. But he’ll take full responsibility for getting the little boy excited. Maybe he should explain to Pip that he shouldn’t have said anything? Except he doesn’t want to go around Alex, or make this into ‘he and Pip wanting something Alex won’t let them have’. He’s not sure how to fix it.

John mulls over the problem as he walks, but any way he slices it, he can’t think of a way, short of a time machine, to fix what happened this morning without Alex being mad at him and Pip disappointed. He feels like an ass. He looks around at the other parents as he enters the school- he would bet none of  _ them _ have screwed up their kid’s Christmas, and pissed off their partner, over something so stupid lately.

Sometimes he wonders what the hell he’s thinking, calling himself Pip’s Mommy. He’s a  _ college student, _ he doesn’t know what he’s doing, here! He usually does okay, but when he does screw up, he always half expects Alex to second guess their relationship, and his place in Pip’s life. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d disappointed his family by not living up to expectations.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John goes to pick Pip up. It does not go smoothly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, I PROMISE this ends in Santa picture fluff, okay? I promise. Just trust me for a little while.

John puts his worries out of his head, not wanting Pip to see that something is wrong. While the little boy probably  _ could _ talk his Daddy into forgiving John, he never wants to use Pip like that- as a pawn or manipulation tactic in his relationship with Alex. even if he never  _ asks _ Pip to intercede, if Pip sees he’s upset, he’ll try to fix it, and that’s wholly unfair to Alex.

He’s surprised not to be tackled in a hug when he walks into the pick up area. Usually, Pip spots him and runs over to say hello, before he can get the little boy signed out. Maybe he’s busy playing, today. Except John looks around and he doesn’t see Pip.

“Jellybean?” he calls, but no familiar dark curly head pops up. He’s starting to panic, but he tells himself he’s being ridiculous. Pip is probably in the bathroom or something.

He goes to the stern woman- Ms. Crowder, who, contrary to Pip’s theories, does  _ not _ eat children- who mans the check out desk. “I’m here to get Philip Hamilton?” he says uncertainly.

In the months he’s been picking up Pip, she’s never warmed up to him. She looks him over now like he’s an idiot. “He’s not here,” she says.

“What? No, he’s got to be,” John says.

She makes a show of looking over the list again. “He never signed in to after school care. Someone must have picked him up.”

“That’s impossible, his father’s at work and none of our extended family would just take him without telling me, he’s got to be here,” John insists.

She glares at him. “As you can see, he isn’t. I suggest you see if his father knows where he is,” she says sternly. “I’ve spent all year keeping track of that boy, and doing a better job than Mr. Hamilton. I know whether he’s here or not.”

“I’m going to look for him,” John decides. Maybe Philip is hanging out with Herman. Maybe he’s in a bathroom. But he’s got to be here.

Ms. Crowder doesn’t stop him, just glares. But Pip isn’t in any of the bathrooms, or his classroom. “Where could he be?” John asks Herman, getting frantic. The hermit crab offers no answers.

He returns to Mrs. Crowder. “Please, someone must’ve picked him up after school,” he says.

“We don’t have a log of after school pickups I can view. But whoever Philip left with, he did it willingly. I’m sure it was one of your family. Just call them, and next time,  _ keep track of the child. _ The poor boy must be so confused, never knowing who’s coming to get him or if they’ll be on time,” she clucks, then dismisses him by turning to greet a mom who’s just shown up to get her kid.

John calls the studio as he rushes back. If anybody got Pip, they’d have brought him there, logically. Pip always hangs out at work with John after school on Thursdays. But of course, since he’s at the desk and Eliza’s teaching, no one answers. He walks faster, jaywalking through traffic as he calls Alex.

The other man doesn’t answer.

Hopefully, Alex was feeling bad about not telling Pip goodbye this morning and decided to get his son for some father/son time. Hopefully that’s all it is, and Pip’s fine. Except Alex continues not to answer his phone, so John continues to freak out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John starts calling around, hoping someone in the family has Pip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why my twisted brain decided we needed Christmas angst, but I promise it pays off!!!

At the studio, John bursts into the classroom. Eliza starts the kids on a free dance and comes to see what’s wrong. “What’s the matter?” she asks.

“I can’t find Pip,” he tells her, frantic. “He wasn’t at the school, and they don’t have a record of him ever arriving at after school. I don’t know who took him.”

“He’s not here,” Eliza says. “Did you call Alex? I know you said you’d had a fight,” she asks hesitantly.

“He’s not picking up. Would you try him?” John asks. “Maybe he’s avoiding my calls. I’ll call Aaron, see if he saw Pip when he picked Theo up, or if she knows anything.”

Aaron doesn’t answer either, and when he hangs up, after leaving a desperate message begging the older man to call him, Eliza shakes her head too.

“Maybe Laf has him for some reason?” John wonders, dialing them.

“Ma cherie, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Laf asks when they pick up.

“Do you have Pip?” John asks.

“Non. Of course not. I would not dream of taking mon petit canard away without asking his Maman. Has something happened?” they ask, worried.

“He wasn’t at school when I went to pick him up,” John explains. “Alex is mad at me- he may not have wanted me and Pip hanging out together today? But he didn’t say anything, and the school doesn’t know who he left with.”

“I will call our Alex. Where are you? I am coming. We will find him,” Laf assures him.

“I’m at the studio, Eliza tried calling him, too. We can’t get him. I think she’s calling her sisters now?” Eliza gives him a thumbs up, confirming this theory. “She is. Aaron isn’t picking up either.”

“Then a new plan. Theodosia works only a few blocks from here. I shall go and see if she knows anything, or can reach her husband,” Laf decides. “Little Theo will know if Pip left school early.”

“Thank you, thank you. Please, call me if you hear anything,” John says.

Eliza hangs up not long after he does. “Pegs and Herc have been working all day, and Angelica says she and Maria haven’t seen him. What if…” she trails off.

John swallows hard. “She wouldn’t? Would she? Oh my God, Alex is never going to forgive me.” He’s panicking, he feels it. “But if she’s got him, he’s safe, right? She wouldn’t hurt him…” he says, gasping back tears.

“I hope not. I don’t think so. I’m going to try Tommy, just in case. Maria said he’d picked Suzie up today to take her to get a new dress to meet Santa in.” Eliza dials, but that’s the final straw for John and he bursts into tears. He had his stupid Santa idea, Alex stormed off, and now Pip is missing. What if he’s seen one too many Christmas movies, and he went to find Santa to make them stop fighting or something? He could be wandering the city alone and cold.

“I’m going to go look for him,” John decides. He’s got to do something.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John searches for Pip

John has no idea how to mount a proper search for a missing child. He winds up going back to the school, circling the block, looking for anything that might catch the little boy’s eye. He finds nothing. He crosses the street, trying the block the dance school is on. He wanders into every place that sells toys or books or cocoa, showing his lock screen of he and Alex, holding a smiling Pip between them. Nobody has seen the little boy.

He tries the block East of the school, next. Again, nobody has seen a lost little boy. People are beginning to give him weird looks- he’s starting to stutter with the cold, and he’s got dried tears all over his face. He looks like a mess. If somebody had seen Pip, they might very well hesitate to tell this crazy man where the little boy is.

He tries Alex again periodically, but the other man doesn’t pick up. He tries Alex’s secretary, only to be told that Alex is in a meeting, and specifically said he didn’t want to be disturbed.

“But-” John tries to insist. Alex will want to know about this.

“I’ve been specifically told not to let your calls through today under any circumstances, Mr. Laurens,” she tells him gently, hanging up on him.

He didn’t even get a chance to explain. And Alex is so mad at him he’s ignoring him on purpose. Maybe Alex has Pip, and he just doesn’t want John around him. That would be…. He tries to convince himself that he would be okay with that, because at least Pip would be safe. He can’t do it. He can’t imagine how Alex is so upset about fucking Santa Claus that he won’t answer John’s calls, that Pip is missing and he can’t even tell his partner.

He’s crying too hard to see where he’s going, now, and he steps into the shelter of a building to scrub at his face, trying to get his tears under control. He’s got to find Pip. The little boy could be alone, or cold, or scared. He needs his Mommy. John doesn’t have time for self recrimination right now.

He can’t seem to get enough breath to stop crying, though. It’s one thing, missing his siblings, worrying about whether they’re okay without him there to take care of them. At least he knows where they are, and that they’re with an adult, even though his Dad isn’t an ideal caretaker. Pip could be anywhere, with anyone. He could be safe and fine and have no idea anybody is worried, or he could be in danger and afraid. John doesn’t know.

He pushes himself away from the building and continues searching. He’s going to find Pip. He’s got to.

The next likely place is actually Maria’s shop, and she reiterates that she hasn’t seen the little boy, but promises to post on the NextDoor for the neighborhood, looking worried and asking if he’s sure he doesn’t want to sit down.

John thanks her for her help but brushes off her concern. Nothing matters right now but finding Pip. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes Alex screwed up but I promise there's a reason! He isn't doing this to John on purpose!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laf goes looking for Theodosia, hoping she can help find Pip.

Laf rushes to Theodosia’s office, praying she has some idea where Pip could be. They breeze past the receptionist, who, thankfully, knows them and is used to their impatience, and into their friend’s office.

Theodosia is on a call, and she holds up a finger but wraps it up as quickly as she can. Laf paces impatiently. Nothing is more important than finding Pip right now.

“Laf! What a surprise. Is everything alright? You look terrible,” she says.

Laf supposes they do look a little frantic- and out of breath. They’d run the few blocks to the office, worried and desperate. It’s all of them’s worst fear, Pip going missing. They all fought so hard to keep the little boy, it seems like a horror story to know he’s missing right now.

“I am looking for Pip,” he tells her. “John has gone to pick him up from after school care and he was not there, we are trying to find him. The school does not know where he is, they say he did not come to after school. We must talk to the people who run the little ones’ school, and maybe find them a new one, this is unacceptable. Mon canard should not be able to just disappear from his school, where we think he is safe. We count on these people to take care of the little ones who cannot take care of themselves, and this is how they conduct their business? Disgraceful!” they shout. They’re ranting, but they can’t seem to stop themselves- not as worried as they are about Pip.

Theodosia blinks at them. “Why would you think I’d have him?” she asks.

“We are trying every option, even the most remote. We also could not reach Aaron, and we hoped he or Theo might have seen something,” Laf explains.

“I’ll try him. Oh, wait, he texted me earlier-” Theodosia says. Laf never hears the rest of the thought, because her office door opens, admitting Aaron, Theo… and Pip.

“Mommy, we brought you a surprise!” Theo announces.

“Laf?” Aaron says, looking confused.

“Call John. Now,” Laf orders, turning back to Theodosia briefly before rounding on Aaron. “How dare you-” they begin.

“I don’t have his number!” Theodosia cries. Laf passes her their phone, not taking their eyes off of Aaron.

“We have been hysterical, we have all been panicking, what were you thinking, taking him without letting his Maman know-” Laf rants.

“Woah, woah, what the heck?” Aaron asks, looking offended.

“Laf? What’s wrong?” A sweet little voice asks, and Laf bends down to pick up Pip, holding him close as they continue to yell at their friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pip is found, safe and sound! But what the heck happened???
> 
> Let me know what you think so far!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laf sorts things out

John is headed back to the studio when an unknown number calls. He walks in as he answers it, praying it’s not spam. Praying it’s someone who knows where Pip is. He waves at Eliza, pointing at his phone as he picks up the call.

“Hello, is this John Laurens?” A polite, cultured woman’s voice asks.

“Yes.” He thinks he recognizes the voice. “Theodosia? Do you have Pip?” he asks, hopeful. Eliza, who is walking over, looks surprised.

“Sort of. I do, now. Or he’s here, anyway,” she says. It’s hard to make out exactly what she’s trying to tell him- someone is screaming in the background. Not terrified screaming- no, they’re screaming at someone. It doesn’t fit with everything he knows about Theodosia, or her office, and it makes him even more nervous.

“What? He’s there? What’s going on?” John begs, putting her on speaker so Eliza can hear. The screaming becomes more obvious, through the tinny speakerphone. Eliza pulls him toward her office, and privacy, as parents will be arriving soon for the next class. Eliza’s assistant has taken over the current one, and John frankly doesn’t care how they all get checked in, right now.

“He’s here. He arrived with Aaron, right after Laf- Laf, please stop shouting! I can’t hear John!” she cries.

“I will shout if I feel like it! Your husband has put us all through hell today!” Laf yells.

“Laf!” John calls. “Laf, calm down! Theodosia said you found him? What’s happening?” he asks.

He hears fumbling as he speaks, as if Theodosia is messing with the phone. “Sorry, this is my office line. You’re on speaker, now. Laf can hear you.”

“Laf, what’s going on? Theodosia says you have him? At her office?” John asks.

“I arrived to see if she knew anything, or could find Aaron, and he strolled in, happy as a clam, bearing cocoa and our missing little one, as well as his own daughter. He has picked Pip up from school without telling you,” Laf explains.

Eliza looks furious. John just slumps over, too relieved to be angry right now. “Aaron, what in the hell were you thinking?” Eliza demands.

“I was thinking that Alex and I talked about this. How was I supposed to know he didn’t tell John?” Aaron asks. “John, I am so sorry. If I’d known Alex hadn’t told you, I’d never have taken him. I’ll never pick him up without texting you again.”

John waves his hand, trying to think of words. “No… it’s fine. It’s not your fault.” His voice shakes as he says, “His father said you could get him, Alex doesn’t have to tell me anything.”

“Like hell he doesn’t.” That’s Theodosia.

“The important thing is that he’s okay,” John says. He’s so relieved he feels like he’s going to pass out.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliza is a little worried about John.

Eliza is more than a little worried about John, even now that Pip is alright. He looks pale, and shaky, and he sounds absolutely wrecked. He does perk up when a little voice comes through the phone.

“Mommy?” Pip says.

“Jellybean. Baby. Hi,” John says softly.

“Mommy what’s wrong? You sound sad,” Pip asks.

John obviously tries to pull himself together, but there’s nothing for it. “I thought you were lost, baby,” he explains.

“Oh.” Pip processes this. Eliza can picture his concerned little face, frowning as he thinks. “I was with Uncle Aaron, though,” he reassures his Mommy.

John makes a choked sound. “I know that now, jellybean,” he says. “I just didn’t know then.”

“Mommy?” Pip asks uncertainly.

“Yes, Pip? What’s wrong?” John asks. Even falling apart, he picks up on the tiny change in Pip’s voice over the speakerphone.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean’ta get lost,” Pip says.

“No, baby, no. You’re okay, jellybean, none of this was your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong,” John assures the little boy. John looks shaken all over again by Pip’s sad little voice. “The grownups didn’t do a good job talking, that’s not your fault, jellybean. I’m just so glad you’re okay. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Mommy,” Pip says. “I was gonna do a sleepover with Theo,” he adds tentatively.

“That sounds like big fun, jellybean!” John tells him, his chipper voice at odds with his slumped posture. Eliza puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Alex thought you two needed to talk.” That’s Aaron. “I said I’d take Pip for the night so you could. Again, I’m so sorry, I had no idea you didn’t know.”

John looks like he’s going to cry. “It’s not your fault, Aaron. I’m sorry we’ve dragged you into our mess.”

“Do you want me to bring Pip to you, right now?” Aaron offers.

For a minute, Eliza thinks John is going to say yes. Then, he takes a breath and deflates a little bit further. “No,” he says, with obvious difficulty. “Alex wanted to talk, tonight, and I shouldn’t be changing his plans for Pip. You guys go ahead and have your sleepover.”

“Mommy?” Pip asks.

“Yes, baby?” John says.

“Can you go get Billie and sleep with him, tonight? So neither of you has to be lonely?” Billie is the large, soft stuffed duck Laf gave Pip, Eliza remembers. It’s absolutely adorable that Pip sleeps with it.

John chuckles gratefully. “I think Billie and I would both like that very much, jellybean,” he says.

“Tell Billie I said to take good care of my Mommy for me, please,” Pip says sweetly.

“I will, jellybean. I promise,” John says. “But I should let you go, for now. Everybody needs to get back to their days. I love you, Pip,” John says.

“I love you too, Mommy. Don’t worry, I’ll come home to you tomorrow,” Pip promises.

“We will have a word with Alexander, before he gets home to you, ma cherie. Do not worry, he will understand he has made a mistake,” Laf assures him.

John’s eyes widen at that, but Laf disconnects the call before he can object. Eliza hesitates, not sure what to do for John now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John processes his freak out, now that he knows Pip is safe.

Once Laf disconnects the call, all of John’s remaining threads of composure desert him and he bursts into tears. Eliza stops forward, patting him on the back. “It’s okay,” she tells him. “Pip is okay.”

“I thought I’d lost him!” John sobs. “I thought he was gone.”

“I know, sweetheart, but he’s alright,” Eliza reminds him.

John suddenly has a sick realization and sits up. “I have to call everyone! They’ll all be worried!” he says, fumbling with his phone as he jumps to his feet.

“Shh,” Eliza guides him back to his seat. “I texted Maria and asked her to let everyone know to stand down. She’s letting the rest of the family know.”

John feels sick. “I can’t believe I worried everyone for no reason. He was with Aaron. I should never have made such a big deal of it,” he says. “Everyone must be so annoyed with me.”

Eliza stares at him. “John… a five year old was missing. Pip, which is worse than just any little boy because we’ve had reasons to worry about someone taking him in the past. You had every reason to worry.”

“I’m not his parent, though. His Dad knew exactly where he was. He was with his Uncle Aaron,” John laments. This is just more proof for Alex that John has forgotten his place with Pip. He didn’t mean to countermand the other man’s orders, but he’s sure it will read that way to Alex. “He couldn’t possibly have been safer.”

“And his Mommy had no idea, and he wasn’t where he was expected to be. Anybody would’ve worried,” Eliza assures him.

John laughs bitterly. “I’m not really his Mommy, though. I’m not even a step parent. I’m his Dad’s boyfriend, who his Dad is mad at. Alex specifically told his secretary not to let my calls through, today. I couldn’t even get ahold of him.”

Eliza stares. “I’m going to kill him.”

John looks at her wide eyed. “It’s my fault. I pissed him off, I asked about doing Santa photos, got Pip all excited. I didn’t know Alex doesn’t like them. I thought we were all doing Christmas stuff together, I just figured since we’ll both be out of school next week he might want me to get them done. Or we could make a family event of it this weekend. Alex was very clear, though. Pip is his kid, not mine. I need to back off.”

“He said that to you?” Eliza asks dangerously.

“He said ‘Pip’s my son’, yeah. He just walked out, this morning. I was late to my first class, because I had to take Pip to school. Thank God the exam isn’t during class hours, I’d have been locked out and missed it,” John laments.

Eliza looks furious. “Let me get this straight. Alex had a tantrum this morning about something stupid- trust me, I know the Santa story, it’s not worth all of this,” she says when he tries to defend his boyfriend, “and he walked out. Without taking care of his responsibilities as a father, like getting his son to school. Just assuming that you would take care of Pip. Which you did, because you are every bit Pip’s Mommy. It’s not just a cute nickname, it’s the way you live your life. You are as dedicated to that little boy as any parent I’ve ever met.”

John nods. She’s not wrong.

“Then,” Eliza’s voie shakes with rage, “Alex made plans for Pip after school. On a day you usually pick him up, and didn’t tell you.” John nods again. “Meanwhile, he’d left instructions that made him unreachable to his co-parent, if and when something went wrong with his son.. And it did, because Alex hadn’t warned you about the change of plans, and we all, understandably, panicked.”

When she says it like that, it does sound pretty bad. John nods again, not wanting to throw Alex under the bus but unable to argue. “I’m going to kill him,” Eliza repeats. John half believes she means it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John pulls himself together.

Alex, Eliza realizes abruptly, is not here to face her wrath. But John is here, and the poor thing looks absolutely done in.

“Do you want me to drive you home?” she offers. She doesn’t want him on the subway in this state, and she’s not sure a taxi would take him.

John considers her offer for a long moment. Eliza finds herself wondering what’s running through his head- he isn’t angry, like she is. He just looks sad.

“I’d rather finish my shift, if that’s okay? I know I’m a mess, but I don’t want to go home and wait for him. Or, I think it’s still home?” John says.

“What do you mean, you think it’s still home?” Eliza asks worriedly. John moved in with Alex and Pip a few months ago, and things have never been better for the Hamilton branch of their family. They’re both happy, and secure, and better taken care of than they’ve ever been. She can’t blame John for being angry with Alex, under the circumstances, but she also can’t imagine he’d seriously consider leaving Alex- leaving Pip- over this.

“Alex was really mad,” John says in a small voice. “He just left. And he’s… he’s making plans for Pip like I don’t exist. Like I’m not part of their lives. He made sure I couldn’t call him if I needed him, today. Aaron said Alex thought we needed to talk, without Pip. I think he might be planning on dumping me,” he says miserably.

“If Alexander Hamilton is stupid enough to let you go over a disagreement about Christmas photos, he’s not nearly as smart as I always thought he was and he deserves to lose you,” Eliza says plainly. “But I seriously doubt that. Alex doesn’t do well with conflict. It’s likely he just bolted this morning, then got nervous about facing you again and didn’t want Pip to be there for the fireworks. Alex has… not great memories of his parents. He doesn’t want Pip growing up surrounded by adults fighting,” she tries to explain.

John nods, too quickly. “Maybe that’s all it is,” he says hopefully.

“You can stay, even if you don’t want to go back to work,” Eliza offers. “You can sit in here. I’ll pay you for the time- it’s not your fault my best friend is an idiot.”

“I need something to do. I’ll wash my face, so I don’t scare the kids,” John promises.

Eliza opens her purse, rummaging through the large bag until she’s found makeup wipes, a small hairbrush, and a hand mirror. She passes them over. “Here, if you want to stay, these should help.”

John wipes the teartracks off his face. His eyes are still red, but he looks much better. Then, he brushes his hair and redoes his ponytail. He pastes on a bright smile, examining himself in the little mirror, then returns her things.

“How do I look?” he asks.

Teary and hurt, and like he deserves far better than the way Alex has treated him today. “Adorable,” is what she says out loud, though. He smiles shakily, and they head back outside just in time to check in the patiently waiting parents for her next class. Eliza clasps his arm as she goes to thank her assistant for covering, privately hoping everything is going to be okay.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laf and Aaron head for Alex's office to find out what the hell happened.

Laf and Aaron make their way to Alex’s office by taxi, discussing their plans as they go. Theodosia is getting the twins home- they’d taken a few minutes to reassure both startled children that everything is fine, John is fine, there was just a misunderstanding. Pip had obviously felt guilty, no matter what John had told him, but they’d reassured him and left both children in Theodosia’s capable hands.

“I cannot believe he has been so careless,” Laf says as the taxi drives.

“I feel terrible- like I kidnapped Pip. I should’ve double checked with John,” Aaron admits.

“Non, mon ami, you are not responsible for the two of them and their communication. I had thought Alex was growing up, managing an adult relationship. Obviously, he is not there yet,” Laf says. Aaron doesn’t feel much better.

“I hope John can forgive him. I feel responsible for this, too. We’re Alex’s healthy examples and the most stable relationships in his life. We taught him how to Adult. And this is what he does?” Aaron laments.

“We will deliver a very contrite Alexander to John, and with any luck he will grovel appropriately and John will understand that it will not be allowed to happen again. Alexander must also understand that he cannot be so careless with others’ feelings,” Laf worries.

“He learned to think about Pip, and his needs. He can learn to consider John, too,” Aaron says. “I hope. I hope John will give him a chance to.”

“John Laurens has been very patient with Alexander through all of his other mistakes. I am sure this one will be no different,” Laf says.

Aaron squares his shoulders. “How are we doing this? Have you tried to call Alex again?”

“I have not,” Laf says.

“So we’re operating under the assumption he doesn’t know anything happened,” Aaron realizes. “So first, we need to make him understand how scared you all were.”

“Trust me, that will not be a problem,” Laf says darkly.

“Then we need to get it through his head how absolutely unacceptable treating his boyfriend, partner, co-parent- whatever the hell he wants to call John- like this is,” Aaron says. “I’m not going to ever put up with being put in the middle of them like this again.”

“I think that is the most important thing. That he does not behave so inconsiderately to his partner, that we must all worry. For Pip or for him,” Laf muses, looking out the window. Their eyes seem much further away.

Aaron wonders if Laf is worrying that John will give up on Alex. He is, no matter how hard he tries not to. John is so good for their friend- Alex has never been so secure, or together, in his life. He’s happy, he’s thriving- and yes, some of that is because John makes sure everyone in their house eats and sleeps and remembers the world outside work exists. But mainly, it’s because John loves Alex and Pip. Fiercely, protectively, devotedly. He would never have guessed what a profound effect a love like John’s would have on Alexander.

He just hopes his friend hasn’t screwed up so badly he’s ruined it.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is caught up on what he missed.

Alex is just returning to his office from a meeting with Washington when his secretary stops him. “Alex,” she says awkwardly. “I know you said-”

He never finds out what exactly she knows he said, because the door to the main lobby opens then, admitting a furious looking Laf and a very stern Aaron.

“Alexander.” Laf’s voice could cut steel. Alex swallows.

Aaron turns to the very startled looking woman beside him. “Excuse me. We need to borrow Alex for a little while. We’ll just be in his office, but please don’t disturb us for anything- this is important.” Aaron is using his polite, ‘We are in public so we are going to be civilized,’ voice. That’s never a good sign.

Laf steers Alex into the office with a tight grip on the back of his neck, and Alex’s knees shake. He has no idea what he’s done to piss them off, but both of his friends look absolutely furious.

He turns to face Laf when they release him, wide eyed and confused.

“No one has been able to reach you,” Laf tells him sternly.

Alex shakes his head. “I’m at work, I was in a meeting with my boss, what the hell is going on?” he demands.

“I basically kidnapped Pip!” Aaron shouts.

Alex stares at him, confused. “You… what? Where’s Pip, anyway?”

“Theodosia has him, and Theo. We had gone to visit her at work. Which is why nobody could get me, we were on the subway. But why couldn’t John get you?” Aaron demands.

Alex checks his phone. There are calls, texts, and voicemails from his little family. He remembers with a sinking feeling that he’d told Carol not to put John through today. He’d been worried his boyfriend would call to have it out about him storming out this morning. He hadn’t thought she’d actually do it, if something was really wrong.

“What happened? Is Pip okay? Is John?” he asks, frantic.

“Mon petit canard is safe, and with Theodosia. Not that any of us knew that, earlier. It is only luck I was near her office,” Laf says dangerously.

“And John?” Alex demands. If something’s happened to John, after the way he stormed out earlier… he feels unsteady, and grips his desk.

“Hysterical, I’m sure, but better now. Why didn’t you tell him I was picking Pip up?” Aaron asks him sternly.

Alex’s eyes go wide. He’s glad John is okay, but he doesn’t understand what everyone is so worked up about. “Are you here because John walked a block to the school, and Pip was already gone? Seriously?” he asks.

Laf steps forward, getting in his face. “Non. We are here because John went to pick little Pip up, and the school did not know where he was. And we did not know where he was. And everyone was out of their minds with worry until we reached Aaron. All because you were sulking at your partner.”

Alex swallows heavily, as it becomes apparent just how dead he is. “I didn’t mean to?” he says in a small voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops!! So Alex isn't an asshole, just thoughtless. A common occurrence in this verse! Let me know what you think!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Laf get through to Alex

Aaron pulls Laf back, because he’s a little afraid they’re actually going to smack Alex if he keeps being dense. “Alexander,” he says seriously, “Do you realize what everyone thought, when Pip wasn’t at school?”

“That something had happened?” Alex asks, sounding contrite.

“I was looking for Aaron, when I found them all, not because I thought Pip would be with him, but because I hoped Theo would know if someone had taken him who should not have been there,” Laf says, their voice quiet and deadly calm.

Alex’s eyes go huge. “You thought…”

“We thought maybe Annie had taken him. Or one of her friends,” Laf agrees. “We were terrified- John was worried beyond all reason. All because you had a tiff and decided to be an inconsiderate little brat!” Laf is yelling, now. “You are an adult, Alexander. You are a parent. You cannot be so careless with Philip!”

Aaron had meant to be the voice of reason, but he can’t help adding, “You aren’t the only person whose opinions matter, Alex. John has done too fucking much for the two of you for you to be so callous with his feelings.”

Alex’s mouth opens and closes. He looks ready to defend himself, and Aaron holds up a hand sharply, and doesn’t let himself feel guilty when Alex flinches. “I swear to God, Alex, if you start in on that ‘I’m his father, I get to make all of the decisions’ crap from earlier, you will be sorry.”

Alex closes his mouth.

Aaron is about to say more when Laf glances at their phone, reading quickly, then turns narrowed eyes on Alexander. “Alexander, I have just had a very interesting message from Eliza,” they say dangerously. “Rather than me recounting it, I think it would be best if you tell us exactly what happened this morning.”

Aaron has heard this story once, he thinks- but something may have been left out. He waits. Alex looks to him for reinforcements, but when he offers no encouragement, he begins to explain.

“John said something at breakfast about Santa pictures. I shut it down, but I didn’t want to fight in front of Pip, so I left. Then I talked to Aaron, and he said he’d get Pip today so John and I could talk without him hearing us. I was mad about the pictures, and I figured John was pissed I left,” Alex says.

“And whose responsibility was it to get little Pip to school this morning?” Laf prompts.

Alex looks shifty. “It’s not like I left him alone. John was there. It would’ve been worse to drag him out with me in the middle of breakfast.”

Laf turns to Aaron, ignoring Alex entirely. “John was late for his classes this morning, during his exam week, because he put taking care of Pip above his own needs. When his father did not get him to school, Pip’s Mommy made sure he was there on time. And Alexander has had the audacity to say that he is Pip’s parent, and he does not need John’s input into Pip’s activities, nor is it John’s place to offer it.”

Aaron frowns. “He told me some of that, this morning. I didn’t realize how bad it had been,” he says, “but I should’ve put a stop to this nonsense then. Instead, I enabled it, and offered to take Pip so they could talk.”

“I think we have all enabled too much nonsense,” Laf says silkily. “So, Alexander, you now have a choice. Do you have a partner, who takes care of Philip with you? A fellow parent, who also takes responsibility for our little one, and sees to his needs? Or do you merely have a boyfriend who might occasionally be pressed to help with something specific, but who does not share responsibility for Pip?”

Alex looks like he’s going to speak, but Laf continues. “You do not get to have both. If John has responsibilities, then he also deserves input. I am not suggesting that you give him final say. But his opinion must carry weight. More, not less, than mine, or Aaron’s, or Eliza’s. You would not have done what you have today, with one of us.”

Laf and Aaron look expectantly at Alex, as he struggles for an answer.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's beginning to dawn on Alex how badly he's screwed up.

Alex feels like shit as he struggles to defend himself. He’d wanted to avoid a fight with John, or at least delay it. Now, everyone he loves seems to be pissed at him.

“I’m the one who’s responsible for Pip, at the end of the day. I’m his father, and his legal guardian,” he tries.

“And do you take care of him alone? Or does John help?” Aaron presses. “I’m going to be honest, Alex, Theodosia would have my head if I treated a babysitter the way you treated John this afternoon, nevermind her.”

“He’s not actually Pip’s mother,” Alex points out weakly.

“Really?” Laf’s tone is scathing. “Because I would not know it, from the way he cares for Pip. Or the way Pip adores him. Or the way you rely on him. John is Pip’s Mommy in every instance except when you feel like throwing a fit. You are like a child, using special rules in a game only when you are not winning.”

Alex bristles. “So, what, I have to let Pip do everything John wants to do?”

“No. But John deserves to at least be heard out,” Aaron tells him sternly. Then the other man’s eyes narrow. “Alex…” he says dangerously, “Please tell me you didn’t do this on purpose, to prove a point about who’s in charge of Pip?”

Laf looks positively murderous, and Alex rushes to assures them, “No! No, I wouldn’t. I’d never deliberately scare everyone like that! I wouldn’t do that to John. None of this was supposed to happen! It was an accident.”

“It was not an accident, it was selfishness,” Laf scolds. “You cannot sit here and try to defend yourself and then tell us you would not do what you have already done.” Their tone is harsh, disappointed. Alex hasn’t heard Laf sound like that in years. He hasn’t screwed up this badly in years either, though, that he can remember. They’re right- he didn’t just forget a step of making plans and not let John know. He’s tried to convince everyone- himself, first and foremost- that he doesn’t have to tell John things like this.

And for what? Because he has bad memories of working for a mall Santa? It’s not like it was traumatic, and he’d always thought when Pip was old enough to ask about it and want to go, instead of being afraid of the red suited stranger, he’d take him. He’d just been caught off guard this morning, and annoyed John had taken his phone, at the same time. Even though he did agree to the no phones at the table rule. And agree to John moving into their home and being his partner and Pip’s Mommy.

“If this is really what you think of John, and his place in you and Pip’s life? Alex? If this is really how little you value him…” Aaron takes a breath. “If I were him, I’d leave you.”

Alex bites his lip, trying not to cry. He can’t really argue that they’re wrong. Aaron and Laf are right, he’s been horrible to John today. John deserves better, a thousand times over. “It’s not! I didn’t mean any of it, I was mad and I was being an idiot,” he tells them both, feeling awful. “How do I fix this?”

Laf and Aaron exchange a long, serious look. Alex feels like he’s 18 again, and the three of them are back in college. Like when they and Eliza were the first people he’d called family in so long that he had no clue how to do it. They’d taught him how to belong, how to be part of something. Hopefully, they can help him fix this, too.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Laf take Alex home.

Laf looks to Aaron- they’re great at identifying the problem, but of the Squad, Aaron has always been the best at finding solutions. “I think this is a conversation best suited for home, not your office,” Aaron says.

Alex nods, robotically beginning to pack his things up. Then he looks up, fearful. “What if John’s already there?” he asks.

Laf is pretty sure Eliza said he was staying at work, but they double check the texts, just in case. “He is not. He is at the ballet studio.” They frown, reading over one of the barrage of messages again. “Eliza says he was not sure he would be welcome at home.”

Alex stares, then reaches for his phone, dialing frantically. When his call is answered, he says, “We can’t do this over the phone, we shouldn’t, but please come home when you finish work. We’ll sort it out, I promise. Just please, please come home.”

He hangs up without waiting for a response.

“John?” Aaron asks.

Alex nods. “I called the studio.”

“Did you actually let him speak?” Aaron asks.

“He got through half of the ‘Hello, Ballet of Sunshine’ spiel before I cut him off?” Alex says. “I didn’t think it was a good idea to start a conversation… but he needed to know I want him home. And texting doesn’t always convey tone.”

“And on the studio line, he cannot refuse to answer your calls,” Laf realizes.

Alex looks shifty. “Maybe a little bit that, too,” he agrees.

Aaron shakes his head. “Let’s go,” he says.

Alex gathers up his laptop bag and trails them out, like a naughty puppy. Laf pauses to speak to Alexander’s secretary as they leave.

“From now on, you will always let John Laurens through if he says it is an emergency,” he tells her seriously. She looks at Alex, who ducks his head.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “Even if I’m mad, or I say I don’t want to talk to him. He’s… he’s Pip’s other parent. He needs to be able to reach me, even if I don’t want to talk to him.”

“Is everything alright?” she asks. “He sounded so upset when he called earlier.”

“It’s fine now,” Aaron assures her. “Just a little miscommunication, that scared us all because John couldn’t get ahold of Alex.”

They say their goodbyes to the woman, and Laf calls for an Uber as they make their way downstairs. They don’t want to deal with the stress of trying to find a taxi during rush hour. They all need to get back to Alexander’s, so they can have a private conversation- and figure out how on earth they’re going to save the best relationship their petit lion has ever gotten himself into.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets a visitor at the studio.

John feels slightly better after Alex’s- very bizarre- phone call. At least they’re going to try to work things out. He’d been afraid, with everything, that Alex was just done with him. When Alex hangs up on him, he puts the phone back into the cradle, bemused.

“Telemarketer?” a voice asks, and he looks up to see Maria Reynolds, standing at the desk with a brown paper box.

“Alex,” he admits. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were coming. Do you need Eliza? She’s teaching.”

“No,” Maria says, looking at him seriously for a long moment. “I’m here to see you.”

“Me?” John asks, confused.

“Alex gave you a hell of a scare, earlier. I’m sorry, my quasi-brother-in-law isn’t the most considerate person- hence the weird hang up calls- but he means well. We all try to get him to stop and think, but it’s slow going,” she says.

Maria is the most reclusive of Alex and Eliza’s ‘Squad’, as they call the found family they apparently assembled during college. John has met her a couple of times, but he’s never talked to her very much. Most of what he knows about her comes from conversations with others- she runs Alex’s favorite coffee shop, tries not to be drawn into the others’ nonsense, and is in a committed relationship with Eliza’s sister Angelica.

“I made a big deal about nothing,” John says, self conscious.

“If I’d been supposed to pick up Pip and he hadn’t been there, because Alex sent someone else and forgot to tell me, I’d murder him,” Maria says cheerfully. “Since I experienced it all second hand, I thought I’d bring you junk food, instead.”

She sets the box down on the desk and opens it. The smell of sugar floods John’s nose. “I wasn’t sure what you like, so I grabbed an assortment,” she tells him. “We’ve got a cream cheese danish, an apple cider donut- those are Alex’s favorite, but don’t you dare share it with him, he is in disgrace, the group chat was very specific- one of my espresso brownies, which are really the best thing I make, a chocolate chip cookie and a snickerdoodle incase you’re some kind of monster who doesn’t like chocolate-”

“I like chocolate,” John assures her. He reaches for the brownie.

“Good choice. Then, this is a pumpernickel bagel with peanut butter, because Pegs is hypoglycemic, so Ang has trained me to bring something that isn’t just sugar when I’m cheering people up with baked goods,” she explains, pointing to the last item in the box.

John bites into the brownie then, and the noise he makes is indecent, he can’t help it. He looks around, embarrassed. “I’m so sorry,” he mumbles. “But you are a goddess. This is the best thing I’ve ever tasted.”

Maria grins at him. “It’s good to be appreciated.”

“I could live on these. Can I live on these? I come to the coffee shop sometimes, I’ve never seen them, what the hell?” he asks, licking a stray bit of rich chocolate icing off of his finger.

“You’re always in at the end of the night. They usually sell out, and if they haven’t, sometimes I pull the leftovers for Ang. Let me know when you’re coming, and I’ll save you one next time,” she tells him.

“I think I love you,” John says seriously. “This is… I don’t know if it’s the sugar or the caffeine, or what, but I almost feel human again.”

“That’s the goal,” she tells him. She leans against the desk. “Seriously, though, how are you doing? I told Liza I was coming over, and she said you might be upset, beyond the panic earlier.”

John considers how to respond, weighing the truth versus opening up to this stranger and potentially weirding her out- or making her think he goes around badmouthing Alex behind his back. But he does really need to talk. He takes another bite of his brownie as he decides.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Maria bond.

Maria did ask, he decides. And he’s wanted to get to know the reserved spouse of the eldest Schuyler sister. Angelica has always been welcoming and friendly to him- and Maria does know Alex well enough to know what he’s dealing with. He decides to tell her the truth.

“I think Alex might be planning on dumping me, because I suggested something he didn’t want to do with Pip,” John admits. He feels weird talking to a practical stranger, but he’s pretty sure she’s some kind of second-hand sister-in-law, so he supposes it’s not too odd. “He called earlier to tell me I should definitely come home tonight, so hopefully not, but… I don’t know.”

“That’s bull,” Maria says harshly, then lowers her voice, so they don’t disturb the two moms waiting for class to let out. “Even I know you’re the kid’s damn Mommy. Mommys get a say- even in those shitty fifties TV universes where ‘Father Knows Best’,” she insists disgustedly.

“I don’t know if you realize, but I’m pretty obviously not actually Pip’s Mommy,” John points out self deprecatingly.

“Then who the hell is tucking the kid in, and making sure he eats, and singing him all those songs he’s always telling me about?” Maria asks. “Pip adores you. He depends on you. That makes you a parent. Alex will be the first to tell you family isn’t only blood, normally. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with him, today.”

John shrugs. “He really doesn’t like mall Santas, I think.”

Maria puts her hands on her hips as he finishes the brownie. “Okay, no, I have heard that story. He’d better have a much better reason for scaring you- and all of us- like that!” she says. “Here, eat a cookie. It’ll make you feel better.” She shoves the chocolate chip at him.

John tries it. It’s perfectly soft, with just a hint of something extra to the cookie dough, and big chunks of chocolate chips and walnuts. He almost moans again. “If you weren’t practically my sister in law already, I’d ask you to marry me,” he says fervently. “And I’m gay!”

“I’ve sworn off men, you can have them,” she tells him with a laugh.

“If anything other than the Santa thing happened, I don’t know what it was. But I did screw up- I should never have mentioned Santa pictures in front of Pip without checking with Alex first. I didn’t think about it being a problem,” he admits.

“It shouldn’t have been a big deal. Alex just… blows things out of proportion, sometimes,” Maria says. She pats him on the arm. “On the bright side, he usually realizes it- either on his own or once Aaron, Eliza, or Laf gets ahold of him. And I’m pretty sure he’s in Aaron and Laf’s clutches, as we speak. So he should be straightened out by the time you get home. Now, unfortunately, I left a teenage cashier to run over here, so I need to be headed back. But let me give you my cell number. Suddenly finding yourself part of this family… it’s amazing, but it’s a lot. Sometimes it’s good to talk to someone who understands. And this way, you can text me to save you brownies!” she offers.

John takes down her cell number, shooting her a, ‘Hi! It’s John!’ text, and she leans over to hug him impulsively. He hugs back, grateful. Maria turned out to be just what he needed, this afternoon.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Laf break down good communication for Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, I already had all of this written. I meant to have it posted before today and I've just been posting slow! It will all be up by tonight.

When they reach Alex’s home, he opens the door and shuts off the alarm. As he’s doing it, he hears Laf ask Aaron, “How did this even happen? I have become used to John knowing what to do with Alexander.”

“He knows what to do with Alex for Pip. Or for Alex. If it helps one of them, he takes charge. He lays down the law and he gets shit done. But Laf- he’s still in college. He’s a couple of years younger than Alex, even. I think he might still be twenty one. I don’t think he knows how to stand up for himself, yet,” Aaron muses.

“That should be my job, shouldn’t it?” Alex asks quietly. “Taking care of him. Like he takes care of me.”

“That is the ideal,” Laf says seriously. “I think we should begin with you not being what he needs to be protected from.”

Alex flinches, but he can’t argue with the accuracy of the statement. John got hurt today- emotionally, not physically, but that doesn’t make it any better. And it happened because he was being selfish.

“Let’s go into the office,” Aaron says. “I feel like we need paper.”

Alex trails after them obediently. In his office, Aaron digs up a legal pad and writes, “Being A Grown Up In A Relationship” across the top.

“Brainstorming time,” he says. “What are we working on, here?”

“I do not do traditional partnerships, mon ami. And Alexander clearly does not know how to handle himself. I am afraid you will need to lead the charge,” Laf says.

“Okay, one of the big ones is communication.” Aaron writes it down. “None of this would’ve happened if you’d been reachable.”

Laf reaches into the desk and comes up with another legal pad and a sharpie. They hand them to Alex. “Alexander will never deliberately make himself unreachable to his partner,” they say. Alex takes the marker and writes down the rule. “What else?” Laf asks Aaron.

“You can’t just walk away from your partner. You have to discuss things. Even if the discussion is just, ‘I can’t handle talking about this now, but I know it’s important.’ That’s communication, again,” Aaron explains.

“Alexander will discuss all important issues with his partner,” Laf says. Alex writes it out dutifully. “Alexander will listen when his partner wants to discuss an issue,” Laf adds. “Is that right? Important issues are not only those which are important to Alex.”

Aaron nods. “Laf, you’ve got this. You have to keep communication more open in a polyamorous relationship than in a regular one, because there are more chances for assumptions and mistakes. What else do you think needs to be included, communication wise?”

“I can think of one,” Laf says, “But I am not sure Alexander is ready for it, yet.”

“Tell me,” Alex says quietly. “I need to get better, fast. Even if I’m screwing up, still, it’s better to know what I should be doing.”

It’s the first time he’s really offered input into this discussion, as opposed to following instructions. But he’s got some idea that that’s part of it- he’s got to want to do this. He’s got to actively try, even when it’s hard. Because John- if he’ll even give him a chance to do better- is more than worth it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laf gives good advice.

Laf still considers him for a long moment before answering, clearly weighing how to phrase what they want to say. It makes Alex feel like shit, that Laf isn’t sure he can even handle hearing this basic relationship stuff, much less actually doing it.

“Alexander will share his feelings with his partner, especially when they affect his decisions,” Laf says finally. Alex writes it down, but doesn’t meet their eyes. Laf is right- he’s probably going to screw that one up.

“That’s a good point. And it goes back to what I said earlier- ‘I can’t handle discussing this right now,’ is a valid statement. As long as you work on being able to discuss it. And saying, ‘Fighting with you makes me anxious,’ or ‘I’m afraid you’ll be angry with me if we discuss this,’ is better than just refusing to have the conversation at all,” Aaron says.

“How did you two learn all of this stuff?” Alex asks.

“Watching my grandparents,” Aaron said. “And my parents, when I was really little. The rest, Theodosia and I went to pre-marriage counseling.”

“Communication is a practiced skill in my relationships, not just a personal quality,” Laf says. “I never pushed you to take responsibility for that part, when we were together. I should have. Instead, I pressed, when we needed to talk about something. Communication was something that was forced on you, not something you learned to do for yourself.”

Aaron nods. “You get better at having healthy relationships by working to have healthy relationships,” he says. “Theodosia and I weren’t naturally good at it- I try to keep the peace, even if it means giving up what I want. And she states what she wants, and assumes if someone else disagrees they’ll mention it, so they can find a compromise. We had to learn to make it work.”

“You do not!” Alex says with a laugh. “I’ve never seen you just ‘go along’ with anything in your entire life.”

Aaron looks at him levelly. “Alex,” he says seriously, “I absolutely despise tequila, in all of its forms.”

Alex splutters. “But- margarita nights!” he says. They’ve been drinking tequila together for years.

“They were you and Eliza’s idea, and it made you both so happy, so I went along with it. I always get flavored ones to drown out the taste,” Aaron says. “When you wanted to do shots, I just tried very hard not to taste it. And it wasn’t all the time- we don’t always have tequila, or always drink the same thing. But in a marriage, that wouldn’t work. I couldn’t get up every morning and have coffee with Theodosia, for example. Coffee makes me too jittery. But that quiet time in the morning is important to her, so I get up in time to sit with her before we get ready and get Theo up, and I drink tea or a smoothie.”

“Compromise,” Laf says next. “Alexander will compromise with his partner, so that both of their needs are met.”

Alex scribbles it down.

Aaron looks at the list, putting down his own notes, which he’s been writing on as they talk, so he can compare the two. “I think that’s most of the fundamentals, at least that went wrong today.”

“It is a starting point,” Laf agrees.

Alex looks at the list. “So what do I do with them?” he asks.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have Rules. Now what?

Laf considers this seriously. They would like to believe that today has been a wakeup call, and from now on Alexander will work to live by those rules

But they’ve known Alex for years, and they know how reluctant he is to deal with emotions, and especially conflict. Alexander is not going to be able to hold himself to these rules on his own.

“You follow them,” Laf tells him seriously. “And Aaron and I will be checking.”

“As far as the actual list- writing things down does help with memory,” Aaron suggests.

“So, what, I have to copy them over and over? Fill the whole pad with them?” Alex asks.

Aaron had suggested no such thing, but it’s telling that Alex has. He is clearly searching for some kind of authority, from them, to help him with this learning experience. Aaron obviously realizes it, too.

“Yes, I think so,” Aaron agrees. “Hopefully, that will help you remember. I want to see them when you’re done. By dinner next week,” he says.

Laf nods. “It is a good idea. And when you are done, you will keep them- somewhere where they will remind you,” they add.

It isn’t their place anymore, or Aaron’s, to try to run Alex’s life. But they cannot and will not throw him out to sea with no life jacket. This new relationship with John is important. And they’ve supported Alex through every other important milestone of his life, just like they have every member of their odd little family. This one isn’t any different.

“Now, don’t think that us coming up with these rules or you copying them down means John automatically has to forgive you. He doesn’t. He has every right to be angry. Hell, I’m angry,” Aaron says. “I’m furious that you put me in the position of potentially screwing up my relationship with John- who is not only my friend but technically my employee, even if Liza did hire him- by basically kidnapping Pip out from under him,” Aaron scolds.

Alex’s lip trembles. Aaron doesn’t back down. “Your behavior today was completely unacceptable,” Aaron says.

Laf picks up the point, continuing, “I have seen you be many things, Alexander, but I do not recall a time I have seen you be so plainly selfish. I am ashamed to see John myself, and admit that it is my friend who has treated him so poorly.”

“I don’t know how I’m ever going to face him again, after everything he’s done for Pip and how sweet he is with Theo, knowing what we put him through, today. Nevermind how upset the rest of the Squad was, thinking Pip was missing,” Aaron agrees. That’s Alex’s breaking point, hearing how disappointed they both are in him. He loses his battle with tears, wrapping his arms around his own waist.

“Indeed,” Laf says, “John Laurens’ forgiveness is not a thing to be assumed, or demanded. You must earn it, however difficult that proves to be, if you feel it is worth having.” Their goal isn’t to make Alex feel bad, but Alexander often responds to his own mistakes by either running away from them, attempting to charm his way out of trouble, or brazening through and challenging anyone to question him. None of those strategies are going to make this anything but worse. If Alex is to have any hope of fixing all of this, he’s going to have to be willing to accept and acknowledge his own mistakes- and John’s anger.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex gets ready for John to come home.

Alex hates having his friends upset with him, but he knows he deserves it. “I’m going to fix this,” he tells them, feeling tears pooling in his eyes at the thought of losing John. He tries to wipe his face with his wrist, then realizes he’s still wearing a suit.

Aaron, thoughtful as always, takes pity on him. “Why don’t you change into something more comfortable? You’re home for the night. I’ll call Liza and see when John’s going to be home.”

Laf herds him gently toward the stairs. A part of Alex longs for the time when Laf was in charge of him- when he’d been with Laf and Eliza, Laf would’ve sorted it out, if he’d fucked up this badly. They’d have fixed it and punished Alex, and that would’ve been the end of it. Sometimes, he hates that he’s in charge of himself now.

“Do you think he’ll forgive me?” he asks uncertainly, as they head for his bedroom.

Laf sighs, giving the question serious thought. “I think that John Laurens loves you very much,” they say. “I also think that he has internalized some of the things you said today, about his place in your family.”

“You mean that he doesn’t get a say, with Pip?” Alex asks awkwardly. He still feels bad- the ‘child playing a game by made up rules’ metaphor had been an apt one, and he’s ashamed of himself for it.

“That may make John more likely to forgive you, today, if you let that belief stand,” Laf says slowly. “But it is not right, or fair, and eventually he will see that, and resent you for it.”

Laf begins digging through the chest of drawers, as they speak. They pull out a pair of Alex’s pajama pants and a warm sweatshirt from some lake in South Carolina that’s actually John’s.

“That’s his shirt,” Alex tells Laf. He takes off his suit as he says it, passing Laf his jacket to hang up and unbuttoning his shirt.

“I assumed,” Laf says, raising an eyebrow. Alex continues to undress, and once he’s down to his underwear, Laf matter of factly begins helping him into the pajama pants. “I thought perhaps you would want to wear something of his, under the circumstances.”

“I do,” Alex admits. “I just don’t want… what if he tells me to give it back?”

“It seems unlikely that he will walk through the door and demand his shirt. John is a more generous person than that,” Laf says. “And he is likely to be very angry, Alexander. I think you would do well with a way to feel close to him, today.”

Alex nods, understanding what Laf is telling him. He needs to be ready for John to be furious- and not necessarily in the mood to forgive him. Alex’s abandonment issues could keep a Psych 101 class busy all year- he knows he’s not going to do well with that.

“Laf! Alex!” Aaron shouts from downstairs.

“Oui?” Laf calls back.

“The last class is checked in. Eliza’s going to go ahead and send John home,” he reports. “He’ll be here soon.”

Alex feels sick. It’s like a countdown has begun, leading to his imminent demise. Laf wraps a supportive arm around his shoulders, steering him back toward the stairs. “Then we should go downstairs, so you are ready to meet him. Would you like us to stay?”

Yes. Alex does want them to stay. But he tries to think about it from John’s perspective. John won’t necessarily know that they’re furious with him, and that Laf and Aaron came over specifically to read him the riot act for being shitty to John. From John’s perspective, he’d be walking into a house full of Alex’s friends, when he and Alex are already at odds.

“I think John and I need privacy,” he says with difficulty.

“I think you are right,” Laf says, sharing a long look with Aaron.

“We’ll see you soon,” Aaron says. “Call us if you need us. Whatever time it is. No matter how John reacts, we’ll take care of you and you’ll be okay,” he says. He stops to hug Alex, quick but hard.

Laf squeezes him tightly as well. “Remember your rules, mon petit lion,” they tell him. “John deserves your best.” They both leave, and Alex hovers awkwardly in the hallway, waiting on John to return.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets home at last.

John would’ve liked to stall, but Eliza insisted he go home after the last class was checked in. She insisted she wasn’t worried about the lobby, since Mrs. Marshall, whose daughter has been taking classes at the studio since it opened, was waiting for the last session to get out. So he headed home, hopping in a cab after deciding he was too anxious to wait for a train.

It takes him nearly a full minute to talk himself into unlocking the door. He’s not sure what he expects- Aaron and Laf were here, earlier, but he doesn’t know if they stayed. Eliza definitely talked to both of them at different times this afternoon, based on what she said. It was the conversation with Aaron that prompted her to encourage him to go ahead and leave.

No matter how many of their friends- Alex’s family- seem to be on his side, John’s nervous, opening the door. He doesn’t know what to expect, but given that the last time he saw Alex the other man was storming out of their home, it’s probably not going to be good.

Alex is waiting for him, clutching a legal pad. The other man just stares at him as he closes the door, putting down his bag and removing his coat.

John steps forward, but Alex still hasn’t moved. “Hey,” he says tentatively.

“Hey,” Alex says back.

“So, um, we should probably talk?” John suggests quietly. Alex doesn’t move. “Or… I can go?” he offers.

“No!” Alex moves, finally, throwing himself across the hallway to grab John and hugging him. “Don’t leave. I’ll fix it, I’ll do better, I promise. Please don’t leave.”

“Hey, hey, I’m not- that’s not what I meant,” John tells him, patting his back awkwardly. “I just- you were mad at me, this morning. And you weren’t saying anything. I didn’t know if you wanted me here.”

Alex clings. “Don’t leave,” he repeats. John thinks he might be about to cry.

“Okay. Okay, I’m staying. Should we maybe go sit down?” John offers.

Alex… consults his legal pad. “It scares me, thinking about losing you,” he says awkwardly. “Obviously, you get a say, too, but I don’t want you to go.”

“Do you have a script?” John asks, baffled.

Alex shows him the pad. “Rules. Apparently, I am not very good at Grown Up Relationships,” he explains.

“I mean, this is all pretty new for me, too. I’ve never lived with anyone before,” John admits.

“At least you haven’t accidentally staged a kidnapping, so far?” Alex says. “I think you’re winning.”

“I don’t think it’s a contest.” John considers the thought. “Or if it is, I’m pretty sure we’re playing on a team.”

“I think I like that,” Alex decides. John tries to walk into the living room, but Alex doesn’t let go of him, and he almost trips.

“Maybe let’s pick a different sport than three legged race,” John suggests.

Alex lets go of him immediately. “Am I being too clingy? You probably don’t want me to cling, you’re mad at me,” he realizes.

John sighs, sitting on the sofa. “Alex, I am too worn out and miserable to be mad at anyone. Even Maria’s brownies can only do so much,” he admits.

“The healing powers are in the donuts,” Alex informs him sagely. He stays on his feet, pacing the room.

“I tried both. It’s definitely the brownies, for me,” John tells him. “Maria has decided you’ve traumatised me enough that I’m family now, she brought me baked goods and gave me her phone number.”

John has always loved how expressive Alex’s face is as he processes new information. This time, he flits between confusion, fleeting amusement, and guilt. “I didn’t mean to traumatise you,” he says. “This actually sounds worse, but I wasn’t thinking about you at all.” He winces. “Or, I was, but not about you and Pip. About you and me.”

“What does that mean?” John asks nervously.

“Aaron was supposed to get Pip so we could talk. I knew we were going to have a fight when you got home, and I didn’t want Pip to hear it,” Alex confesses.

John shifts awkwardly. He has no idea what to say to that.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and John talk.

Alex doesn’t know what to do, faced with John. This would be easier if John were yelling at him. At least the yelling would burn up the anger, maybe. Or give him some clue what to apologize for first. “Do you want to yell at me?” he offers.

John looks at him strangely. “About not telling me where Pip was? Or not taking my calls? Or storming out of here this morning? Making me lose my mind with worry and convince your friends I’m crazy? Freaking mall Santas and you refusing to discuss them? I need guidance here, Alex, what am I supposed to be yelling about?”

Put that way, it does sound pretty terrible. “All of it?” he offers in a small voice “I was hoping if you started I’d know what to say,” he admits. Hearing his screw ups listed has been far less cathartic than yelling would’ve been.

“I mean, Alex, you’re the one who sent Pip off on a sleepover without telling me so we could have a fight. What was that supposed to be about originally? Let’s just go chronologically,” John says.

“I had this whole thing about how I’m Pip’s Dad and I have the final say, and you shouldn’t be suggesting things without talking to me, and he’s my responsibility so I get to make all of the decisions for him,” Alex explains. It sounds so stupid now.

“I’m sorry,” John says awkwardly.

“It was bullshit,” Alex announces harshly. “You take care of Pip every bit as much as I do. He loves you. We both need you. I- Laf told me expecting you to take care of Pip but not have a say in decisions if we disagreed was like playing games with a little kid who’s always changing the rules. They were right.”

“Okay?” John doesn’t look like he’s sure what he’s supposed to be saying. Alex looks over his list of rules again.

“I think I was just being a jerk this morning, but I got scared about having a fight with you- my only clear Christmas memories when I actually had both parents are of fighting- and so I doubled down and got ridiculous so I could convince you it was your fault and you’d drop it,” Alex says. That qualifies as talking about his feelings when they’re affecting his decisions, surely.

“Seriously, what the hell is up with the legal pad?” John asks.

Alex hands it to him. “I told you, I have rules now,” he says. John reads over the list, frowning.

“Who made these rules? More to the point, who’s enforcing them?” he asks.

“Laf and Aaron, to both. Is that okay? That might be a decision we should be discussing. Is it weird that Laf and Aaron know basically everything? They’re like, at least half of my good decision making skills. Eliza is also a sizeable chunk. I’m a disaster by myself,” Alex explains.

“No, I mean, they’re good rules. I’m not crazy about them hearing about it every time you’re annoyed with me- seeing them is going to be awkward,” John admits.

“I have been reliably informed that they’re both very embarrassed to face you, Aaron because he inadvertently kidnapped your kid and Laf because… well, Laf’s just ashamed of me,” Alex explains.

John stares at him for such a long moment Alex starts to get nervous.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Realizations and binaries.

John is struggling to process what Alex just said.

“John?” Alex asks, looking uncomfortable.

“Yes?” he asks blankly.

“Why are you staring at me?” Alex asks.

“You just called Pip ‘my kid’. Like, mine, as well as yours,” John explains. He knows it was a mistake, but hearing it has still knocked him a little bit sideways.

“Well, yeah, that’s kind of how I screwed up this whole thing, isn’t it? By pretending he’s just my kid, when everyone knows better by now. That’s… Mommy erasure? I don’t know. But it’s wrong. If I’m comfortable storming out and leaving Pip with you, knowing he’ll be taken care of and okay, then I can damn well admit you deserve a say in his life,” Alex explains.

“Oh,” John says quietly. He honestly can’t think of anything meaningful to say to that.

“Alex?” he tries, after another moment of awkward staring.

“Yes, John?” Alex looks nervous. He should fix that.

“Is this always how you have important relationship epiphanies?” he asks.

“I don’t know. I don’t usually… do relationships? And when I do, I don’t really think about them much. This is kind of a new thing for me. But, um, I hope not. If realizing we really truly are co-parents was this bad, can you imagine what it’ll be like when I propose?” Alex muses.

There are so many things John wants to say to that. What comes out is, “Who says you get to be the one to propose?”

Alex grins at him, playful even in the midst of this whole mess. “You are the Mommy, I am the Daddy. Daddies get to do the proposing, Mommies get to look pretty in the engagement pictures,” he insists seriously.

John laughs. “That is an outdated gender binary and I’m going to tell Peggy on you.”

Alex looks affronted. “I said you’re pretty!” he insists.

“You also forgot to teach our son about gender, and now his teachers are surprised I’m not a woman!” John chuckles.

“That’s why this all works out. You teach him the social norms and how to human, now. We need you,” Alex tells him seriously.

“I’m also teaching you how to human, half the time,” John agrees.

“And you’re not done! So you can’t leave us, even when I’m terrible,” Alex says hopefully.

John shakes his head. “I really can’t. And you’ve gone and gotten me used to life with the Hamiltons, so now I’m stuck. I don’t know how to re-acclimate to the regular world.”

Alex looks pleased. He opens his mouth to say something else, then closes it again, frowning.

“What?” John asks warily.

“I was going to ask if that means I’m forgiven, then I realized it was a stupid question, and I wasn’t going to like the answer,” Alex admits.

John takes a deep breath. “Alex, I have never been more terrified in my life than I was this afternoon. I was so afraid someone had taken him, or he’d wandered off because of something I said about Santa this morning. I’m a little dizzy just remembering it. I don’t think I’ve cried that hard since my Mom died.”

Alex looks stricken, but John thinks it needs to be said. He loves Alex, he loves Pip, but he can’t go through another day like this one. He takes a deep breath, gathering his thoughts, and prepares to speak.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John shares his side of how things went wrong.

Somehow, John loving him makes this harder.

Alex is almost completely sure his boyfriend isn’t about to leave him, however badly he’s screwed up. And that means he can’t hide from his mistakes- he’s got to face them, and deal with what he did to John, being selfish and stupid.

It’s hard.

But Alex doesn’t let himself jump in, doesn’t preemptively apologize or whine about how he won’t do it again. He can let John say his piece. Communication, Aaron had said. The secret to a good marriage is communication.

When this relationship became one Alex assumes will end in marriage, he can’t remember.

“On one hand, I’m too emotionally drained to be angry. I can’t promise I won’t be tomorrow. But tonight, I just don’t have it in me,” John says. “The relief of knowing he’s okay is all consuming. But Alex, do you know what I thought, when I found out where he was?”

Alex shakes his head. “No,” he admits.

“You made plans without me, you made sure I couldn’t call you… you did everything the way you would’ve if I were just some casual acquaintance, not your partner. I thought you were breaking up with me. I thought you were deliberately keeping me away from Pip. I thought I was losing my family all over again,” John says. There are tears in his eyes, but he’s determined to get this out. “That was almost as bad.”

Alex feels terrible. “John, I’m so sorry. I was being stupid, it wasn’t deliberate- I was scared to fight and I was hiding, I didn’t want you to be angry at me and I hurt you instead,” he admits.

“Alex, I cannot do that again,” John says. “I’m not… I’m not trying to give you an ultimatum, here. This isn’t a threat. I just… I can’t stand it.”

John looks so small and so young, sitting there. Alex wants to hug him, but he’s not sure he’ll be welcome. Then he decides he’s being selfish- it’s more important that John gets a hug if he wants one than that Alex doesn’t feel rejected, right now. He’s a big boy. He can handle it if John pushes him away.

He’s barely sat down beside John before the younger man is pushing his way into his arms. Alex clutches John to him, kissing his hair and apologizing, over and over again. Today was bad, but he’s so incredibly grateful to have a chance to fix it. He suddenly has a realization, about that, that he feels like he needs to share.

“It’s just like with Pip. I wasn’t- I didn’t know how to do it all on my own. To take care of him. So you’ve helped me learn. Well, I don’t know how to take care of you either, John, but if you can be patient with me, Aaron and Laf say they’ll help me do better,” Alex explains. “I don’t know how to do any of this family stuff. But I’m trying, John, I swear. I’ll get better at it.”

John nods. “You will. We’ll figure it out. Aaron’s a real adult, he’ll know what to do. And Laf is terrifying, I’m not arguing with them about anything. As long as we still want to do this together?” The question is asked quietly, full of insecurity.

“Always,” Alex tells him.

“Me, too.”

And that pretty much settles it.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to head to bed and put a period on their awful day.

They sit together on the couch for a long time, just holding each other. Eventually, John realizes, “We should go to bed. We’re both worn out.”

Alex hesitates. “Do you want me to sleep in Pip’s room? Or on the couch?”

John clings to him harder. “I don’t ever want you out of my reach again,” he says. He’s feeling incredibly clingy, after all of the upset.

Alex laughs, relieved. “Okay, good. I can do that. Let’s go to bed,” he says, helping John up. John buries his face in Alex’s neck again as soon as they’re standing.

“I love you, sweetheart, but I don’t think we can do the stairs like this,” Alex tells him. “Well…” Alex seems to be considering something. John is just content to cuddle for another long moment.

Until he feels himself being picked up.

“Alex, what the hell?!” he says, gasping and clinging to the other man’s back. Alex has a forearm under his ass, supporting him, and John automatically wraps his legs around the other man’s waist.

“You’re tired. I’m getting you to bed,” Alex declares. He’s managing to walk, somewhat unsteadily, while balancing John- but there’s no way they can do the stairs like this.

“Put me down! I’ll walk! If you try to go up the stairs with me you’ll break both of our necks!” John laughs.

When Alex puts him down, he’s pouting. “Laf used to make it look like it was nothing, carrying me around. They can probably still do it,” he says sulkily.

“Laf is like a foot taller than you. We are the same height. The leverage just isn’t there,” John reassures him. He twists their hands together. “And look, you’ve got me. Now can we just walk up the stairs? Safely?”

Alex squeezes his fingers. “I can do that,” he says, tugging John toward their bedroom. John pauses at the top of the stairs.

“I have to get Billie,” he says. Alex looks at him strangely. “Pip… I was on speaker, for part of the realization that he was found and he was okay. It scared Pip. I’m sorry. I told him it wasn’t his fault, the grown ups just got confused, but he wanted me to tell Billie to take care of his Mommy for him, tonight,” he explains.

“So we’re sleeping with a stuffed duck,” Alex realizes. “I didn’t even think to worry about what Pip knows about tonight. Do you think he’s okay?”

“I think Aaron would call if he wasn’t. Tomorrow’s Friday. Take off early, and let’s take him somewhere fun after school. The penguins might be a nice treat. He’ll be okay, as long as he knows we’re okay,” John insists.

“Are we okay?” Alex asks.

John kisses him. “We’re fine. We’ve got each other. And your new rules,” he adds with a smile.

“Then tomorrow we’ll go see the penguins, and Saturday we can go see Santa,” Alex decides.

John stares at him. “You said you’d never-”

“I worked as a mall elf one year in high school. It was degrading, and our Santa chased me around the break room one day yelling about ‘kids these days’, then got fired for telling some elementary schooler they were a brat who didn’t deserve a new gaming system. It really isn’t that big of a deal. Pip wants to go, and you want the pictures, don’t you?” Alex asks.

“I’d like to have them. But I can take him next week, we’re both out of school,” John offers.

“If we’re doing this, I’d rather do it as a family,” Alex tells him. “How bad can it be?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to everyone whose notifications have blown up as I tried to get this whole thing posted today. The (long. Quite long.) SANTA VISIT! chapter will be posted in the morning. ❤️


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally get the Santa pictures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long, fluffy chapter!!!! I hope you enjoy it, and you had a wonderful Christmas!!!!

Alex may have jinxed them, asking, “How bad can it be?” about getting Santa pictures. On a Saturday. Less than two weeks before Christmas.

John had found a Santa with a reservation system, but the reservations are running behind, so they’ve still been waiting for an hour. Pip is very handsome in the red shirt and plaid bowtie they’d picked out yesterday, but he’s starting to get fussy.

“Mommy, I’m bored,” he whines.

John kneels down to face the little boy. “I know, jellybean. I’m sorry. There are so many little kids who need to see Santa, it’s taking longer than we planned.”

Pip considers this. “Everybody needs Santa,” he decides.

John squeezes his arm, proud. “They do, baby. And remember, we’re going ice skating when we’re done! And we’ll get you some hot chocolate.”

Pip smiles. “Yay! And I get to have a picture with Santa? Of my very own?” he asks. Pip is very excited about the picture, and wants a copy to keep in his room. Alex, who had not realized how much it would mean to his son, had felt terrible about almost depriving Pip of the simple joy, and he’s doing his best now to be supportive and excited. It’s something of an uphill battle.

Now, Alex’s face contorts in disgust before he looks down and Pip and forces himself to smile. “You sure do, Pip,” he says. John stands back up, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand supportively.

“Can we put one on the tree?” Pip asks next.

“I think they sell ornaments here, jellybean! And if they don’t I’m sure we can find an ornament that’s a frame,” John assures him.

Alex looks put upon. “Just how much is this little adventure going to cost me?” he asks.

“Can you really put a price on family memories?” John says sweetly. Alex glowers.

John just squeezes his hand. He’s grateful Alex is here. He didn’t expect to get through without a little complaining- especially with the line. Alex does look a tiny bit abashed as he squeezes back.

“Look, Pip! He’s making balloon animals!” Alex realizes, pointing to one of the elves, who is indeed moving down the line making balloon animals for the waiting children.

It does turn out to be possible to make a balloon animal duck, though it takes two colors of balloon, which the elf informs them makes it ‘premium’. Alex hands over the cash without a word, and John smiles. He leans over and whispers in his boyfriend’s ear, “Thank you. For everything, today. I really am grateful.” He strokes a gentle finger down the lapel of Alex’s coat. “I’ll show you just how grateful after we put him to bed tonight,” he teases.

Alex blinks a few times, stunned. He seems to process this, and decides he’s a fan of this rewards system. “In that case, Santa can take as long as he wants,” he teases. John smiles back, but he privately hopes the line starts moving faster, soon- Pip is about out of stamina, and John doesn’t want this to become an ordeal instead of a treat.

“I’m thirsty,” Pip says, tugging John’s sleeve.

John prepared for this, and pulls a bottle of juice- as he’s explained to Alex, juice boxes can’t be resealed and saved when Pip is done- out of his tote bag, handing it to the little boy.

“You are such a Mom," Alex says with a laugh.

John raises an eyebrow. "So you don't want yours?" he asks.

"You brought me juice?" Alex says.

"Close." John pulls out a bottled frappuccino. "Peppermint mocha. It's seasonal."

Alex takes it eagerly, kissing his cheek as he accepts the bottle. John gets out his own Vitamin Water, taking a sip.

When they're finished with their drinks, he puts his and Pip's away.

"I'm going to go find a trash can," Alex says, holding up his empty bottle. "Anybody need anything else?"

John shakes his head, but Pip frowns thoughtfully. "Daddy, do you think Santa is thirsty too?" he asks.

Alex looks flabbergasted. "I don't know, Pipsqueak. I'd think he'd have water."

Pip wrinkles his nose. He's not a fan of drinking plain water. "Can you get him a drink, just in case?" Pip asks.

Alex nods, accepting his mission seriously. He kneels to look at the little boy. "I'll find Santa a drink so you can give it to him," he promises. "Now, will you watch Mommy for me while I'm gone? We've been in line a long time, I don't want him getting bored and wandering off."

John grins. They've both found the best way to keep Pip attentive is to have him look after them. The little boy considers this a very big and important responsibility, and he is very protective of his Mommy and his Daddy.

Indeed, Pip reaches immediately for John's hand. "I won't lose him, Daddy," he promises solemnly. He gives John an adorably stern look. "Stay close."

John nods, fighting a grin. "I will. I promise."

Alex taps Pip’s nose. “Good man. I’ll be right back,” he promises, standing and looking around for somewhere that might have a drink Pip will consider appropriate for Santa. “How long do I have, realistically?” he asks John.

“Six families ahead of us, and everybody’s taking at least a few minutes. I’d say we have another half hour, easily,” John says. Alex frowns. “On the bright side, they’re not rushing people. Which means they won’t rush Pip, and he’ll get his time with Santa.”

John holds his breath, hoping having a mission that gets him out of line for a few minutes will help Alex’s temper hold and he won’t demand they call it a day. His own father had done that, more than once. They don’t have any Christmas pictures with Santa of the Laurens family from the years between John’s Mom getting sick and John being old enough to take his siblings by himself. They have the professional, staged shots of the whole family his father had done for Christmas cards and political ads every year, but it’s just not the same.

Alex sees his face and takes a slow breath. John really wasn’t trying to be manipulative or pout- he just really wants to see this through. He hopes his hopeful face isn’t the thing that pushes Alex over the edge into feeling too put upon, here. He knows the other man doesn’t want to do this, and is only enduring it for them.

“I’ll be right back,” Alex tells them. “And by the time I get back, it’ll probably be almost our turn!” he says hopefully, giving Pip a bright smile before threading his way out of the crowd.

They do actually move a little closer not long after Alex leaves. John can see Santa, now, almost, as they wind around the circular area where he’s set up. “Do you want to see?” he asks Pip.

“Yes, Mommy!” Pip says excitedly, holding his arms up. John lifts him, leaning to the side to give Pip the best view.

“Wowwww,” Pip says. John hates that Alex is missing this- Pip’s whole face has lit up with wonder. His heart feels ready to burst from witnessing the little boy’s excitement.

John sets him back on the ground. “I’m gonna meet Santa!” Pip cries. “I’m gonna meet Santa, Mommy, it’s really happening.”

John grins at him. “It is, jellybean! Do you know what you want to tell him?”

“I wanna tell him I love him and thank you for taking care of all the boys and girls in the whole world,” Pip decides. John had meant, ‘What are you going to ask for for Christmas?’ but that’s infinitely cuter. He feels like his grin is going to split his face open.

“You know what, Pip? I think that’ll make him very happy,” John says.

“Good,” Pip says, nodding seriously. “Mommy?” he asks, his voice going soft.

“Yes, jellybean?” John asks.

“Do you think I’m on the nice list?” Pip asks tremulously.

“Of course, baby! You’re the nicest little boy I’ve ever met,” John tells him.

“Even though…” Pip frowns. “Even if I did something mean, that you don’t know about?”

John was not prepared for this conversation. But he supposes it makes sense- Santa is used constantly as an incentive to get kids to behave, Pip’s been exposed to it even if he and Alex don’t subscribe to the ‘be good or your benevolent stalker won’t bring you presents’ method of parenting. Of course his tender hearted little jellybean is worried Santa knows every naughty thing he’s ever done.

“I’m sure whatever it was wasn’t that bad, jellybean! Santa will forgive you,” John assures him. “Do you want to tell me about it?” he asks carefully.

“I made Daddy cry,” Pip reports guiltily. “We went to Aunt ‘Ria’s, after school yesterday, till you were ready. An’ I told him he wasn’t very nice, leaving without telling us goodbye and scaring you so bad. I was worried you’d be mad at us, Mommy. I told Daddy he has to be good, because I need you, but I made him feel really bad.”

“Oh, Pip,” John says, going down on one knee and pulling the little boy into a hug. “It’s not ever naughty to tell me or your Daddy what you need. It might make us sad sometimes, if we haven’t done a good job taking care of you, but that’s not your fault. Your Daddy and I are still learning how to be a family. We’re doing our best, though, because we love each other and you more than anything, okay?”

“Okay,” Pip says. “Mommy?”

“Yes, jellybean?” John asks.

“Daddy’s tryin’. I promise,” Pip tells him.

“I know he is, sweetheart, and I love him so much for it. And I love you, no matter what. Even if your Daddy and I get mad at each other or fight, it would never change how much I love you, right?” John tells him. “You don’t have to worry you’ll lose me if your Daddy makes a mistake.”

Pip snuggles into his arms for a long moment, until someone taps John on the shoulder. “The line is moving,” a voice says. He stands, pulling Pip forward and turning to apologize to the woman behind them.

“I’m so sorry,” he says. She’s got two children with her, a toddler and a preteen who is playing sweetly with the little one. He smiles at them.

“It’s alright,” she assures him. “I’m a step parent, too. Zach is my husband’s from a previous marriage. But we’re a family now, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She puts a gentle hand on the boy’s head and he smiles up at her, before going back to entertaining his little sister.

“Thank you. This is our first Christmas together,” John explains. “Things happened really quickly, because I love both of them so much, but sometimes I feel like I’m playing catch up with the real parents, you know?”

She laughs. “Every parent in the world feels like that, hon. And I’ve been watching you with that little boy for the past hour- trust me, you are a real parent.”

John looks down, shy. “Thanks. I- just, thanks.”

“You’re very welcome,” she says, and they both turn back to their families. Pip has just noticed the letterbox up ahead.

“Look, Mommy! A spot for letters to Santa! Do you think he’ll be sad I didn’t write him one?” Pip asks, worried.

“I don’t think so, baby, but I’ve got your art kit if you want to write one, really fast,” John assures him, pulling out the little travel pad with the loops for markers on the inside of the cover. 

Pip takes it, balancing it carefully so he can work while they stand in line. John points out where the letterbox says, ‘Dear Santa’ so he can copy it, but he is not permitted to help otherwise or see what’s on the list.

Pip is pleased with his letter and folding it up and they are next in line by the time Alex returns. “Perfect timing!” John says, then does a double take when he sees the Duane Reade bags his boyfriend is carrying. “What’s all of that?”

“I’ll explain later,” Alex assures him. “What have you got there, Pipsqueak?” he asks.

“My letter for Santa! But I can’t reach the box,” Pip reports worriedly.

“See if Mommy will pick you up? My hands are full,” Alex suggests.

John takes Pip’s art folder, putting it away, and lifts the little boy up so he can slide his letter into the box.

“Thank you, Mommy,” Pip says nicely as John sets him back down.

“Thanks. Sorry,” Alex says, holding up his bags in apology. John would like to know what on earth Alex bought. But before he can ask any more questions, the elf at the gate tells them it’s their turn.

Pip, who has been so excited, freezes. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?” Alex asks, when the little boy doesn’t walk forward.

Pip hides behind John’s legs, his being closer than Alex’s. “What if Santa doesn’t like me?” he asks. “What if he’s mad I never came to see him before?”

Alex’s face contorts with guilt for a second before smoothing out. “I’m sure he’ll love you, Pip. You’re a great little boy, and he knows it wasn’t your fault you didn’t visit him before.”

“Ho, ho, ho,” a voice calls. Santa has stood up, and is making the way over. “That can’t be little Pip! Here to visit me?” he cries with over the top excitement. Pip peeks out from John’s legs, hopeful and curious.

“Santa?” he asks.

John is ridiculously grateful for the registration form, which he’d filled out online and which had asked for the child’s name. The elf who helps manage the gate has been going up to Santa between each child, but John hadn’t realized they were keeping track of the kids’ names. The awestruck look on Pip’s face makes the whole wait worth it.

“You know my name?” Pip asks.

“Of course!” Santa tells him, bending down. “I’ve known you for a few years now, haven’t I?” he asks.

“But I never came to see you before,” Pip points out.

“That doesn’t mean Santa doesn’t know about you, Pip! I’ve been watching you and seeing what a good little boy you are for your parents,” the Santa says. “And I’m very excited to meet you!”

That does it, and Pip rushes forward to hug the bearded man. Santa holds him close, and John can see Pip’s little hands squeezing the soft fur of Santa’s costume. “I love you, Santa,” Pip says, sounding teary.

“I love you too, little one,” Santa tells him. “Do you want to come sit with me and tell me what you want for Christmas?” he offers.

“Yes, please!” Pip says, taking the big man’s hand and letting himself be led over to the red, sleigh shaped bench. Santa offers him a hand and Pip climbs eagerly into his lap, then leans forward to whisper in his ear.

“Oh!” Santa says, sounding surprised. “That’s very nice, Pip. I think we can make that happen. But what about something just for you? Something to play with, maybe?” he asks.

Pip considers. “I want toy cars,” he decides. John sighs in relief- they already knew that. He’s got a pair of toy cars- matching ones in blue and red- hidden in the back of their closet. Pip pauses. “But… is it greedy to ask for three? So Theo and Suzi and I can play. Or I can play with Daddy and Mommy,” he requests.

Pip is already back tracking before Santa can respond. “Two’s enough. We can take turns. I know how to share,” he decides seriously.

Alex leans forward to whisper in John’s ear. “We can get a third car, right?” he asks.

“I hope so. If I can’t match those, we’ll donate them to Toys For Tots and get three of a different style,” John assures him.

“You’ve got Pip all day, next week. Text me a picture of the ones we’ve got and I’ll stop on my way home from work,” Alex promises.

Santa tells Pip, “I don’t know if I have room for three toy cars in my bag, but you keep being a good boy for me and your parents, and I’ll do my best, okay?”

Pip nods eagerly, bouncing on Santa’s lap. John winces. “Thank you Santa!” Pip says, giving him another big hug.

“You’re very welcome.” One of Santa’s soft, gloved hands pats Pip’s hair. “Do you want to take a picture now?” he asks.

Pip looks straight at the camera, giving it his biggest, cheesiest smile. The photographer looks at them, making sure they’re okay with it, and John nods. That’s who Pip is- every overeager inch of him. He’s about to step forward to retrieve the little boy when Pip says, “Wait!”

Santa wraps a protective arm around Pip’s waist, so he doesn’t fall. “What, little one?” he asks.

“I need a picture with my family,” Pip announces. “Santa, please? I wanna keep this day forever.”

Santa waves them forward. “Ho, ho, ho! There’s room for everyone. Come on up!” he says. When they don’t move fast enough, Pip slides down from his lap and comes to get them, tugging their hands.

Alex’s hands are full of bags. The helper elf offers to take them. “Those are for you guys, actually,” Alex says, passing them over.

“Pip was worried Santa was thirsty,” he explains. “So he sent me to get something to drink, and I thought you could all use a snack. There’s Snapples and cookies in there. And carrot sticks for the reindeer! Or any elves who don’t like too much sugar,” he says with a wink.

The elf grins at him. “Thank you so much!” she says. “I’ll take these into our break room. Everyone will really appreciate it.”

“You’re so welcome,” Alex says. John grins at him. He adores his boyfriend. For all his resentment of this day, he’s still doing everything possible to make it special for Pip- and doing something nice for the people working the Santa set up.

Alex retrieves a bottle of Snapple Apple- Pip’s favorite- before the bags disappear backstage. “Do you want to give Santa his drink, buddy?” he asks Pip.

Pip clutches it, rushing forward. Once he gets back to Santa, he gets shy all over again. “Santa?” he asks.

“Yes, Pip?” Santa says, smiling at him.

“I got thirsty, just waiting for you. Do you get thirsty, being up here all day?” he asks.

“I do,” Santa tells him seriously.

“We got you a juice!” Pip announces, offering him the bright red drink.

Santa accepts it, smiling. “Wow! Thank you so much, Pip. That was such a nice thing for you to do. I’ll definitely drink it later.”

Pip smiles, looking down and twisting his toe against the ground. “I’m glad.”

“Now, what do you say we get you that family picture?” Santa offers, setting the drink beside him on the bench and holding out his hands for Pip.

Pip climbs back into Santa’s arms, and Alex comes forward to sit beside the big man on the opposite side of the bench. John hesitates. “Come on, Mommy!” Pip calls.

John hesitates, but the little boy is throwing him pleading looks, and eventually he comes forward, standing behind the bench and just a little off to the side.

“Mommy,” Pip demands, exasperated. “You gotta sit so we can get my picture.”

“Come on, John, have a seat,” Alex says, looking at him oddly.

John can’t explain in front of Pip that he wants to stay out of the picture, so that if he’s ever not in their lives anymore they still have this memory, untainted. It would break the little boy’s heart. So instead, he comes forward, sitting down on the bench beside Santa and wrapping an arm automatically around Pip. The little boy shoots him a dazzling welcome smile.

“Say cookies!” the photographer calls, and they all cry, “Cookies,” as the camera snaps. When they’re done, John picks his tote bag back up and Alex goes to help Pip down. Pip gets down, but then turns back around for one final hug.

“Thank you, Santa,” he says sweetly. Santa Claus kisses the top of his head, and John can tell that the sweet little boy has touched the performer’s heart- however many children he’s seen today.

“You’re very welcome, Pip. And thank you. I’m so glad I got to meet you,” Santa says, and Pip grins at him before taking his Daddy’s hand and letting himself be led out of the enclosure.

Where they find another line, as families wait to see their pictures and pick which ones to buy. John groans. Pip has been fantastic- he was so patient, and so good through the first line, with the excitement of Santa waiting at the end. He’s not sure the little boy can handle another line. Or that Alex can, for that matter.

So he’s surprised when Alex speaks up. “You know what I want?” he says.

“What?” Pip asks seriously.

“A hotdog. All that excitement made me hungry. Do you think you and your Mommy could go find hotdogs while I get the pictures?” he asks.

John had assumed Alex was looking for a way out. He looks at his boyfriend in surprise. “You’ll be okay here?” he asks.

“I was off finding drinks for the last stretch of the line. You two could use a chance to walk around some. I’ve got this,” Alex assures him. “Now,” he says playfully. “You be good, Mommy, and hold Pip’s hand so you don’t get lost.”

“I promise,” John says. He feels Pip’s little fingers grab his own tightly. The store is crowded, and he’s sure the sidewalk will be even worse, this close to Christmas. He squeezes Pip’s hand tighter, not wanting to even contemplate losing him.

“I’ll get the pictures and meet you guys outside,” Alex promises, and Pip drags him out onto the sidewalk.

There’s a wait at the nearest hotdog cart, and Alex is standing out front of the store when they make it back. He takes his hotdog, and they all eat as they walk toward the subway stop.

“Now ice skating! Right, Daddy?” Pip asks.

“I think we might want to go home and change, first, Pip,” Alex suggests. “So you can wear something warm and soft to skate in.”

Pip considers this. “Good idea. C’mon!”

Pip talks excitedly about skating and cocoa the whole way back to the apartment. Alex volunteers to help him get changed, but John stops the other man before he can disappear upstairs. “Can I see the pictures?” he asks.

“Oh! I almost forgot!” Alex says, opening the bag he’d gotten from the photography place. “I got an ornament with a spot for a photo,” he says, showing Pip, “And I got us all keychains to put our favorite in. But I couldn’t pick a favorite shot, so I got the flash drive with all of them,” he explains. “We can take them and get them printed tomorrow?”

He shoots John a nervous look. “There were too many good ones, I didn’t know what you’d want. Just Pip? All of us? Posed? Or they got some really good candid ones.”

“This way we can pick. But Alex, wasn’t the flash drive expensive?” he asks. “They usually charge a ton for being able to print your own.”

“It was Pip’s first time meeting Santa. And our first family Christmas. It was worth it. Go look at them, while we get him changed, and you’ll understand,” Alex tells him. “Use my computer, it’s quicker than setting your laptop up.”

So John goes into the office, to look through the Santa pictures. The Hamilton boys find him there a few minutes later, once Pip is changed to go skating, looking through the pictures and crying.

“Should I not have gotten them all?” Alex asks, worried.

“Mommy, what’s wrong?” Pip asks, climbing into John’s lap to hug him. “Don’t be sad! It’s almost Christmas.”

“I know, jellybean,” John tells him. “And I’m not sad. I’m just… I’m too happy. It’s leaking out.”

“Cause we met Santa?” Pip asks, nodding sagely.

“No, jellybean. Because I met you two. That’s better than Christmas,” John tells him, squeezing him close. Alex comes closer to wrap them both in a hug, and John leans against him, warm and happy and full of love.

He looks at the pictures again. That’s his family, in all of their glory.

First, there’s Pip, hiding behind his legs. One of the elves had obviously had a second camera for candids, that John hadn’t noticed. They also somehow got Pip’s very fist hug with Santa, over Santa’s shoulder where you can just see the blissful look on Pip’s little face.

Pip whispering his Christmas wish is adorable, as are the ones of him sitting on Santa’s lap, talking seriously about toy cars. The posed ones are adorable. The whole Squad is getting those, for sure.

And John is kicking himself for not doing this in time to get Christmas cards ordered of the family picture, because it turned out great. He’s going to see if they can get same day printing of Christmas cards with those, or maybe find cards you insert the pictures into. It’s too adorable not to share.

But his absolute favorite image is a candid, snapped just before the posed family shot. It’s from right as he sat down, and Pip is looking at him full of love, as John wraps an arm around him. Alex is looking at them both, and the affection on his face is breathtaking.

It’s not, compositionally, a ‘perfect Santa photo’. No one is looking at the camera, for one. Even Santa is smiling down at Pip. But it’s the most perfect Santa photo John’s ever seen.

When they pull back from the hug, he points to the picture. “I need that one. In the ornament. On our wall. I love it,” he says.

Alex puts a warm hand on his shoulder. “It’s my favorite, too. It’s our family.”

“Our family’s my favorite,” Pip agrees. “It’s the best.”

“Yeah, jellybean, it really is,” John says fondly, kissing the little boy’s head, then turning to tilt his chin up, even as Alex leans down for his own kiss. He kisses his boyfriend, their little boy squished between them, and he can’t imagine a more perfect moment, or a more beautiful Christmas, than just having them, here with him. Together.


End file.
